


Addict

by KaijuusAndKryptids



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: AFTG Mixtape Exchange 2021, Addiction, Canon Compliant, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Past Drug Addiction, Pining, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29048355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaijuusAndKryptids/pseuds/KaijuusAndKryptids
Summary: For the AFTG Mixtape Exchange 2021:Addict by Silva Hound & Michael Kovach as song inspo.Andrew knows addiction. He's seen it on Aaron's face, and mirrored on his own. He can predict it, when the symptoms hit, when the withdrawal hits. Its once he's sober that he struggles with a different addiction.
Relationships: Betsy Dobson & Andrew Minyard, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27
Collections: AFTG Mixtape Exchange 2021





	Addict

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AwkwardMandork](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwkwardMandork/gifts).



> I hope that the connection to the song is apparent, but uhh I did go a little bit more abstract if that's alright! Esp with the Andreil, it;s very very abstract QAQ

June 12

Andrew settles into the armchair, throwing his feet up on the arm. Bee asks a question about following up from last week about the medication symptoms that had been bothering Andrew. Last week, Andrew had brought up that he was bothered by the new symptoms but wasn’t able to describe them at the time, so Bee hopes that after sitting with them Andrew would better be able to describe what he’s feeling to her. If not, at least how he’s feeling right now? “Are the symptoms flaring up right now?”

Andrew stares a beat seeming faraway before a laugh bubbles up out of him. Bee gives a patient smile in return, anticipating Andrew’s answer sure to follow.

“I know addiction. How hollow Aaron’s eye sockets looked during withdrawal. The familiar compulsions that can only be beaten back with a stronger promise,” Andrew starts. “I know when the cravings start; as soon as I swallow the pill down. How they progress; tingling behind my jaw, just a tickle. Then stronger, like tasting bile. The scattered thoughts, can’t pin them down. Until my hands start to shake then the tremors move up my arms and down to my feet. I’ve got the time table down to a science.”

And he’s rambling a bit about his addiction when Bee prompts him, “And these new symptoms are similar or dissimilar to addiction?”

“See that’s the thing, Bee.” He salutes her, “ It sure does have it’s own kind of gravity, and the compulsions come with it. It’s the same. Its addiction but I don’t know when the cravings started,” a lie, and he tics to prove it. He does not know how this craving progresses through the day, weeks, months. “It shouldn’t be progressing, Bee. It’s a passing interest at best so how is it already seeping into my schedule like clockwork, like nicotine withdrawal?“

“Mmm, so the control of these cravings is causing you distress?” And Andrew shakes his head. “It wouldn’t be hard to control if he wasn’t hard to pin down.” And Bee notes the use of Him now but lets Andrew explain his process.

“With my prescription I know I take it in the morning and I’m craving it again by the end of my first class. I take it at lunch and I’m craving it again when practice starts. Take it just before practice to make it through the showers before I crave it again. It’s a pattern that I’ve nailed down.

This is illogical. Nonsensical. I know he’s dangerous, he’s a threat to Kevin and worse, he could be a threat to Aaron and Nicky. And yet.”

He licks his lips and changes gears. “Like, giving in.” He grimaces. “and I don’t give up ground.” Bee checks the clock and nods. She changes gears, making sure she has time to wind him down before their session ends. Andrew is tactile, he needs to have something to focus on or do once he leaves their sessions, so Bee suggests that he catalogue when he “gives in” to use his words. Not that Andrew needs to write it down, but he should be more intentional in putting words to his thoughts and feelings the moment they happen.

* * *

July 6

Andrew pushes the glass dolphin to the back of the case. He rearranges the glass figurines sometimes before a session, occasionally afterwards too. Though he only does so when he’s deep in thought. Not so much looking for something to say, he seldom has problems with that. But looking for a rationale for something or another.

Bee sits down and arranges her notes. “Is there anything you prefer to start with, today?” Bee respects Andrew’s need for privacy, part of why he likes her so much. This is most obvious in how she can tell something is up with Andrew, and does not ask him straight out. She gives the control of the conversation over to Andrew, and trusts that he knows to talk about the things that aren’t easy to talk about when he is ready.

“Oh Bee.” Andrew muses as he twists a glass rabbit. “The funny thing about rabbits is how quick they are to run. A portent if you will, of possible dangers to come. Isn’t it funny then, that the little rabbit would stay in the den long after the predator bears his teeth?”

Bee hums. “How poetic.”

Andrew giggles at that, mania from the drugs making all of his reactions some kind of laugh. He sets the rabbit down, facing the wall rather than the room. Then he turns on his heel and flops onto his spot on the armchair. “Poetic. Sure, quoth the raven on that one even!” Andrew claps. “Oh. What a wonder, that he could bite back. That he reeks of fear and yells like he’s invulnerable.”

Andrew’s ramblings about a “he” these days have been equally nonsensical as allegorical. Bee doesn’t make it her business to guesstimate who “he” is, it isn’t her business unless Andrew or “he” are in immediate danger, or unless Andrew makes it her business.

Andrew seems like he has more to say, so Bee sips her hot chocolate patiently. He does not disappoint. “We’ve made a deal,” he starts. And Bee knows how important deals are to Andrew. She’d almost make the claim that striking deals is how Andrew shows affection. “to ground him, and he’ll reign in Kevin’s flightiness too.”

Andrew is thrilled; well, it doesn’t quite have the right connotations, but what else can she really call his excitement?

“And yes, I know it’s a problem. What a big problem! But he keeps my interest sharp even through the giddy haze of the prescription. A guilty pleasure if you will.”

Bee flashes Andrew a smile over her mug. “Which part is the guilty pleasure?” She asks, and Andrew’s manufactured smile drops just the smallest amount. A tell she’s learned means that he’s said too much; or said something too close to the heart that he isn’t willing to share but slipped out anyway. Another side effect of his drugs.

Andrew changes gears, and asks Bee about his prescription symptoms in relation to emotional regulation. Funny enough, that this is the first thing that comes to mind after his chat about the rabbit friend of his.

* * *

January 17

It is not Andrew’s first solo session with Bee after coming off his meds. Though it’s the first time they’ve broached the subject of Andrew’s rabbit since sobriety. Though neither of them have named him, Bee certainly can venture a guess on who he is, and Andrew knows it too. Still, Bee does not push or bring him up unprompted, so Andrew does not shut her out.

“It was supposed to be a side effect of the drugs.” Andrew grimaces. “I went to Easthaven to get sober, to get off the drugs. I shouldn’t still feel that-“ He cuts himself off, the rambling slip-of-the-tongue admissions are easier to reign in without the influence of the uppers he was prescribed. He drags a hand down his face.

Bee, for her part, manages to keep her expression neutral. She hums, to let Andrew know he has time to think about how he wants to go about this, but she won’t interrupt him.

Andrew leans his head back and glares at the ceiling. “Being addicted to a substance is a compulsion I can’t control, but it can be handled. If I get addicted to, a person,” Andrew struggles to spit out those last few words, “He isn’t a constant. Not like the physical sensation of succumbing to withdrawal and being able to plan around how many pills I had left before my next refill.”

Andrew clenches his jaw as he reestablishes eye contact with Bee. Almost challenging her, though to do what she can’t guess. “He’s not a guarantee and I don’t know how to plan around him.” He laughs; more of a harsh exhale than with any humor. “The only guarantee I have is that he will run. I just don’t know when.”

“You have talked to him about that though, as part of your deal?” Bee asks.

Andrew clicks his teeth. “He should already be gone. That was the deal.”

“Well, there must be something keeping him here? If your deal makes him feel safe here, then that’s a win isn’t it?”

“Exy is keeping him here.” Andrew ignores her raised eyebrow. “Don’t.”

His eyes close. He takes a deep steadying breath before he opens them again. “I can bury the tingling in my fingertips, I can restrain the compulsion to reach out, I can tame the racing thoughts and the little details that don’t make sense. I can keep the symptoms on a short leash. It’s about what comes after that I, I’m not sure how to handle it.”

“And what comes after?” Bee inquires.

“He’s _leaving_ Bee. What do I do with these compulsions when he’s _gone_?”

“He hasn’t left yet,” Bee reminds Andrew again, “So we can work through the things you feel at the time when it comes. But worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet, especially when you’ve told me yourself that he’s a wildcard who never does what you expect him to, it seems like a way to avoid dealing with what you currently feel.”

Andrew is quiet as he chews on his cheek. Bee is happy to let him process while she stirs more mini marshmallows into her mug.

“It was easier when I could blame them on the drugs.” Andrew says at last, and Bee nods sincerely.

“How about we work on sorting out these feelings this week? We’ll build a framework for you to lean on when they become overwhelming, but you should still allow yourself to feel what comes naturally to you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Oof sorry if this is really inaccurate vis-a-vis the addiction pov and the therapy session talking about addiction OTL I hope you still like it though!


End file.
